I do better with fashion tips and there will be a day that I come back to blogging to offer my personal favorite maternity fashions, tips and tricks.  Of course I hope this will be sooner rather than later.

Until then, I’m still not sure if this will be our month, but if not I just know 2010 will be our year.  I wish you a wonderful new year filled with new beginnings!

xo, S

If you have a child, you have watched Sesame Street, deny it… fine, silent admission is ok with me.  I am not sure if I am the only one to notice, but I really relate to Oscar the Grouch.  I mean he’s consistent, never trying to be someone else, like  trying to learn to read like Big Bird or count like Count Dracula.  He is consistently an asshole who lives in a trash can,  that is why I love the guy at 7 am.  He is this small fury figure we watched as children with the same rat face that our children identify with through the television.  He is not happy go lucky or unnerving, like that small puppet Elmo, who refers to himself constantly in the third person (and we wonder why children speak so horribly nowadays?).

Speaking of Elmo, has anyone noticed Mr. and Mrs. Noodle on Elmo lately?   I don’t know about you, but I am checking the sexual offender database to see if Mr. Noodle’s name shows up there and if he lives anywhere close to me.  With that mustache he looks as if he drives a large gray molester van and trolls county fairs and elementary schools. 

But I think I am most bothered by Mrs. Noodle who is at least 20 years younger and chipper at 7 am.  As I was sipping my coffee the other day,  I noticed she was wearing knee high boots, hair in pigtails and swinging (yes on a swing) with a smile on her face.  What are we teaching these youngsters?  I know I have not looked that good at that hour in some time (and I certainly was not sober and it was definitely PG, pre Gavin).  But I figured it out, why Mrs. Noodle was attracted to Mr. Noodle, he doesn’t speak – ever…so that explains a lot even at 7 am.

We were enjoying the start of a great night and taking time to catch up with old friends until the water turned into a party fowl and began to stress everyone out.

“Why are you drinking water?”

“Because I’m thirsty.”

“Are you pregnant?!?!?”

I immediately ordered wine, to squash the rumors.  In reality I had enjoyed a lot of wine the night before and prior to ordering a glass at the wedding I thought water sounded refreshing and kind of necessary.  That was all, simple as a case of thirst.  So now you know I hang with a bunch of boozers and the questions didn’t end there.  A nice couple that I had met once was showing us pictures of their precious baby girl and as I gushed over her the lucky dad of this child looked at me and asked if we had started playing without a goalie.

Well the wine near flew out my mouth I laughed so hard.  Can you just picture it?  Women ask each other all the time.  Are you trying, when did you ditch the birth control, when are you supposed to start your period, etc.  We obsess and pry and it all seems fine.  I never knew a man’s way of prying, but what else would it be other than a ridiculous sports analogy.  So I played along and assured him we benched the goalie (I know, it sounded that stupid in person too).

Here’s the thing, one day you will shock yourself because even though you know you’ve been trying, some piece of self preservation will tell you it might not have happened this month and so while you pee on the stick and cuss because it got on your hand you will simultaneously give yourself the pep talk “it’s okay, it takes months for everyone, it will happen” and then you will see +.  WHAM, just like that.  The test will say positive and while every fiber in your body knows you wanted this more than anything you will feel surprised.   Apparently that’s just one of life’s unexplainable certainties.  Not to worry because the surprise will quickly turn into insane excitement and here is where you get a little crazy.

As a new Pregnant Girl one of the first things you will do is call your doctor.  (Hopefully after you tell your husband since he does deserve half the credit.)  You are almost driving to doc’s office as you dial because surely she will want to see you, hug you and celebrate you.  Then they answer.

Baby Doctor’s office how can we help you?

I’M PREGNANT!!!!!!

Then the most monotone voice ever will say, congratulations, lets schedule your first appointment for 8 weeks, so let me just look at the schedule here…

Excuse me, I AM PREGNANT, can you believe it?  Pregnant!  Actually, I can’t believe it either and so I thought the doctor might like to see me and check for herself and tell me exactly what I should do now.  Like right now, today, what am I supposed to do? 

And then you are left wondering why they aren’t jumping for joy, when deep down you know why.  They aren’t the ones who just changed their entire future, right there in one tiny moment of positive your pep talk changed to “it’s okay, we will figure out how to take care of a baby.”   And you know what, you will.

You should buy maternity clothes as you need them, and if you have a store conveniently located or can find a great website with free shipping, then only buy as you need them.  You can assume that you that you will need maternity jeans before you need maternity tops.  Most Pregnant Girl’s jeans stop feeling comfy quickly, these days tops run longer so we can often wear them for the first few months.  Definitely buy maternity pants before you have camel toe and lose all sense of pride and buy maternity tops long before your non-maternity tees are belly baring shirts that as far as I’m concerned should be illegal.  On the flip side, avoid buying too early.  As I just pointed out, absolutes are gone and you really don’t know what your body will do throughout your pregnancy.  This is not the time to add pressure by feeling like you have to stay a certain size.  You just need to stay healthy, comfortable and happy.

Luckily we live in a time when maternity clothes are amazingly stylish and, while the task of buying a new wardrobe is somewhat daunting and can be expensive, there is no need to feel overwhelmed or to break the bank.  Sit down, create a realistic budget (sometimes it’s easiest to decide on how much per month or per trimester so you save some cash for later) and then make a plan.  I cannot speak in complete generalities here because I am not sure what your lifestyle entails, but if you want specific suggestions please post or email me your budget and lifestyle needs and I will make suggestions (no, they won’t all be from my boutique). 

Happy shopping!

This is my husband, Scott, and me.  He is great fun and makes me laugh, therefore this felt like a good photo to share.  Plus he is damn cute and I wanted to brag. 

Scott was very supportive when I told him I was starting a fictional blog about Pregnant Girl.  Great idea he said and then he proceeded to brag about the blog to all kinds of friends, family and co-workers.  Cute, right?  Then after a couple weeks I told him that I was going to start writing a little about our life, just on the days Pregnant Girl needs a rest.  After all, I am going to try to be a pregnant girl very soon (how soon depends on if you ask him or me).  He didn’t say much.  Sorry honey, for this post (especially for the picture) and the hundreds that will follow.

Okay, window shopping again, and the thing about windows is they reflect.  As I strolled past the cutest antique store I thought to myself; that lady really does have an unfortunate figure.  I have quite possibly never seen an ass like that on anyone, maybe I should tell her about the spin teacher at the gym who did wonders for my friend Sally.  Hold.the.bus.  That lady is eating frozen yogurt and wearing her hair in a ponytail…just like me.  I just talked (okay thought) shit about myself.  That is me, my reflection, my big ole’ butt.  Deep, calm breathing followed by immediate disposal of the yogurt.  Okay, so I only thought about throwing away the yogurt, clearly I had to keep shoveling it in as I was far too upset to practice any form of self control.  I kept up the deep breathing as I sulked, while dragging my big butt, all the way home.

What happened to me?  I am more days than I am weeks or months pregnant.  In fact, if you saw me at a party you’d offer me the champagne.  Is it possible that I am carrying our baby in my butt?  Is it possible that a fetus the size of a walnut is sticking out 3 feet behind me?  Or maybe it was just an unflattering window, kind of like that mirror my college roommate bought on sale at Ikea, that thing definitely added 7 lbs.  Yes, for sure, it was the window.

Wish you won?  Visit on Thursday and post a comment for next week’s giveaway.

As we entered the room where said wife was chatting; her husband announced, hey honey, I was just telling them about that wedding file.  At first she blushed and gave him the look.  We have all given that look when our husbands publicly state something that should so obviously be private. What’s up with their censors anyway?  Sitting in a room of many women she quickly got over it and said, yes I had a wedding file and I have a baby file, they simply compliment my many other files.  And in 3 to 5 years when we need a stroller you, ungrateful husband, will thank me. 

Ahhh, women, we can be organized to a fault.  Or is it to a fault?  Would the world be chaos without those of us who create files and lists?  In case you are wondering what kind of woman I am let me just say I am getting excited just thinking about files and lists.  Just yesterday I asked my husband how we would ever fit a glider in the baby’s room.  What baby’s room?  We don’t have a baby.  No honey, we don’t have a baby, but one day we will and I wonder where I will sit.  Later I laughed as I tried to imagine what that conversation felt like for him.  There he was enjoying a beautiful Sunday afternoon, possibly thinking about what he might watch on TV only to realize his wife is wondering where she will sit in a year (or maybe more).

What kind of woman are you?  Did you have baby names and nursery décor picked out before you had conceived?  Do you just go with the flow and think those of us with files and lists are nuts?  Is your husband the list maker, if so do tell, they are a rare gem.

Leave us a comment on this subject, then come by on Monday to see if you won what every organized girl would love, Pulp Factory’s calendar, A New Mom’s Life: A Record of Mom and Baby’s First Year.