Do you notice how until you become pregnant nobody really talks about ALL the stuff you will apparently need for your baby?  The list is endless and I have a sneaking suspicion that most of the stuff will quickly be categorized as c & s, otherwise known as crap and shit that never gets used.  I am constantly going through our house tossing the c in the trash and secretly hiding the s before my husband notices I’ve up and thrown it away.  Maybe it’s the nesting, but as I fulfill my sudden urge to make labels for everything (i.e. spoons, yeah like my husband had a lobotomy and would never find the spoons if they weren’t labeled, but whatever) I have an even stronger urge to dump the c & s and am having a hard time wanting to replace it with baby sized c & s. 

Naturally, I was sure to wait until the weather was perfect and college football was on TV to drop the bomb that we must go register.  As we drove to the baby store we actually laughed at the couples who were crazy enough to go home with the random s.  Feeling in control and facing a momentary, completely unsubstantiated superiority complex, we made a plan to stick with the basics; onesies, bottles, burp cloths and you get the point.  I know you know where this is going, because you are probably Pregnant Girl too and we all become slaves to the baby sized c & s. 

Suddenly we need special spoons, a baby bathtub that looks like an oversized bucket I use to mop the floor, a brush just to clean bottles (definitely putting a label on that one), brightly colored keys to shake (and rattle?) at crying baby and a bib that says My Mom is Hotter Than Yours.  Why you ask?  Why do educated couples everywhere get sucked in?  I will tell you, plain and simple fear. 

We buy, and if we are lucky enough to have suckers for friends, we register for all this c & s out of pure unadulterated fear.  If you leave one random thing off the list you will definitely be stuck in some chic store, having missed the memo that babies are not all the rage with their staff, and your baby will have the mother of all meltdowns.  Then the one nice woman in the store, who naturally raised 5 valedictorians, will undoubtedly point out that all you need is that one item, the one that you did not get because it was just another silly, noise making, money sucking, apparent necessity.  And if that happens you will feel like a failure.  Like you failed at the one job you cannot, will not fail at and so instead, just in case, you carry a diaper bag full of c & s (sometimes literally).

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