I was a smart woman.  There absolutely without a doubt was a time in my life, actually most of my life until the last six months when I became Pregnant Girl, that I thought of myself as an intelligent woman.  I was dependable and full of all kinds of useful and not so useful fun facts.  You are likely wondering why we are speaking in past tense and it is this thing called pregnancy brain.

Until I became Pregnant Girl I figured pregnancy brain was a totally lame excuse.  Yeah, yeah I know you are busy growing a baby and that whole miracle, but we are women and women are made to multi task and so I assumed that surely I would be able to carry a child and remember my name all at the same time.  For the first couple months this was going well and I got all cocky.  I remember EVERYTHING I would proclaim and this was followed by an obnoxious show in which I made my husband quiz me while I recalled friend’s birthdays and phone numbers like a human computer.

Then without warning it started to happen.  I forgot my Albertson’s card and when the sales associate said no problem just enter your phone number I stood there.  I got all embarrassed and uncomfortable and told her I liked her shirt and that she looked really pretty, which made her stand there all uncomfortable wondering if I was some freaky pregnant lady hitting on her and she stuttered thanks, now please just enter your phone number.  I don’t remember, oh shit oh shit, I am one of them.  One of who she asked, looking completely freaked out and like she thought I might melt down right there in lane 5.

Just yesterday I walked to the kitchen and wondered what made me go into the kitchen and when I couldn’t recall I decided on a snack even though I had finished a snack roughly twelve minutes prior.  And I kid you not at 3 a.m. when I lay there with massive heart burn it suddenly dawned on me.  I had walked into the kitchen that afternoon because I was thirsty and wanted a glass of water.  I freakin’ forgot that I was thirsty.

So this thing called pregnancy not only robs you of your perfectly normal sized boobs, butt and hips, but apparently it latches onto your brain and paralyzes it.  I now have notes for everything and when someone asks my address all I have to do is recall that bullet point in my blackberry and whala, there it is right below my known allergies.

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